Daniel Englander
GTM’s Top 5 Ugliest Green Vehicles February 5, 2008 at 2:04 PM
We love green vehicles here at Greentech Media. We’d love to have one to cruise around Cambridge terrorizing MIT students in an environmentally-friendly manner. And we love the companies that make them - even the ones with crappy business models.
What we don’t love, though, is how they look. Face it. Green vehicles are usually the spawn of some sci-fi geek’s wet dream of crossing an X-wing fighter with KITT from Knight Rider. In other words, they’re hideous. Recently a crop of especially ugly green vehicles have popped up, inspiring us to create this Top 5 list of the worst, comic-book-looking, Jetson-wannabe, speeder bike-knockoffs on the market.
Uggos after the jump.
Number 5: The Dodge Zeo
U-G-L-Y! You don’t need no alibi! You’re ugly! Yeah yeah you’re ugly!
Proving once again that the big guys in Detroit just don’t get it, the Dodge Zeo looks like what happens when you cross me and a falafel after a night of heavy drinking. It’s soulful orange paint job is reminiscent of a 1970s shag carpet, while the body looks like something out of Back to the Future II. Somehow I doubt this bad boy puts out 1.21 GW.
Number 4: The NmG Myers Motors
In my seventh grade health class I had the fortunate experience of watching The Miracle of Life, a riveting piece of cinematography about the birth of a human baby. Apparently the guys who built the sperm-shaped NmG at Myers Motors shared the same fortunate experience. Its tricycle-styling and groovy, goggle-shaped windshield would make any three year old feel at home as they race their friends in a similarly-sized Power Wheels.
Number 3: The Zap! Xebra
I think I saw this little guy in The Lion King. Or maybe it was Battle Bots. Remember that show? Pure genius. Anyway, the Xebra’s ultra-stabilized three wheel design gives it the look of a wheelbarrow with a personality disorder. This jungle beast tops out at a mean 40 MPH, which might cut it in the back roads of China (where it’s produced) but puts it at a definite disadvantage on the rush hour demolition derby that is Boston’s I-495.
Number 2: The Aptera Typ-1 e
Meet George Jetson/His boy Elroy/Jane his wife/Daughter Judy…
One of the reasons why green vehicles have such a hard time making into it the mainstream is that manufacturers insist on building cars that look like the Aptera. Don’t get me wrong - even I think this car is pretty cool. But it looks like the designers drew most of their inspiration from an insect they saw while tripping. And what’s up with these three wheeled designs? Maybe they ran out of funding before the designers could build that other axle. Time to raise some more VC, guys.
And the winner is…
Number 1: The Tesla Roadster
Back in the 1970s, or so I’ve been told (I’m a child of the Decade of Greed), a big fad among car guys was buying and assembling kit cars. Apparently you could order a Porsche or a Ferrari kit from the back of an auto magazine and build your own European sports car - albeit with a go-cart engine and a plastic body. These beaters were everywhere, and they looked cheap, and they were ugly. And this is what the Tesla Roadster looks like.
While the Roadster is definitely a great achievement in engineering and technical design, the car itself looks like it was ordered from the back of an auto magazine and slapped together with epoxy and Bud Light. Ultimately, the Roadster is a little disappointing for a $100,000 sports car with a 3 year waiting list.
